Posted by Brad Smith on behalf of Carey Uhler
Have you ever felt unworthy, or disconnected? Do you ever feel like you are not enough? Do you find yourself trying too hard to please people? Have you ever felt a sense of being flawed or unloveable? Do you ever get a heavy chest, tightness in the throat or a knot in the stomach especially when triggered by rejection or loss? Is it difficult to trust others or form secure bonds with people?
These might be symptoms of attachment pain.
Attachment pain stems from early experiences where caregivers were inconsistent, unavailable, or unresponsive leaving a child to internalize that they’re not worthy of love. The pain can resurface in adulthood during moments of vulnerability, rejection or intimacy, often feeling disproportionate to the event happening in the moment. For example, a minor criticism might feel like an overwhelming message of shame or abandonment.
I think most of us must have some form of attachment pain because I don’t know anyone who had perfect parents. Part of being a “mature adult” is identifying patterns of thinking or behaviors that aren’t working, and being curious about them. Usually we can
grow out of old behaviors that aren’t working for us. But sometimes deeper healing is needed.
Attachment wounds block intimacy with others and also the ability to mature. It’s difficult to be a transformed person with unresolved wounds in our hearts.
Most therapists have long agreed that attachment wounds from early childhood cannot be healed. They can be moderated and managed but they cannot be healed. This is due to the fact that the brain does not accept substitutes for the mother figure.
Dr. Karl Lehman, who discovered the Immanuel Approach, was surprised during a session where Jesus showed him that He, Jesus, actually can and does heal attachment wounds. It was in a session with a woman called Rita. Jesus revealed that He is the only substitute for the early mother-figure presence and He can heal the wounds. Even subcortical (pre-memory) pain.
The Immanuel Approach uses positive memory recall and deliberate appreciation to activate the brain’s relational circuits, creating a state of joy and safety that primes the brain for healing. By connecting with Jesus in a positive memory, the receiver establishes a secure relational base that mirrors healthy attachment dynamics. This state allows traumatic memories to be processed without overwhelming distress which speeds up the resolution.
Once the positive interaction with Jesus is established and heart attachment is felt, Jesus can quickly resolve trauma by addressing root emotional and spiritual blockages. Participants report lasting observable changes, sometimes even after a single session, such as reduced distress or newfound peace because Jesus’s presence bypasses human limitations and directly addresses the heart’s needs.
Jesus transforms us through a heart connection with Him.
Many people have stated that experiencing Jesus’s love this way has turned into a lifestyle of connecting on a heart level with Him. New neuro-pathways are formed in the brain that build joy and peace.
This process reminds me of the verse: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
I have been a trained Immanuel Approach facilitator for 3 years. At present I am practicing at a recovery house with women who struggle with addiction. If you are interested in healing sessions online or getting trained, or you’re just curious, contact me on the Communitas coaching website – communitascoaching.com